are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This girl is more easily done than said...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
