8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
