1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Randomize
