I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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