it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
