if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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