I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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