Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
