You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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