If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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