I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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