please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
