you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
