Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
