There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
