just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The beer is more important than you right now.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
