You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
