Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
