I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
