I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
one might say we're banned from that church
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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