Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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