if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
