We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
