oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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