Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
