There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I want a musical about memes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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