in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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