I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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