She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
