Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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