I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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