If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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