im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
