You're earring is so big in my mouth
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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