This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i think we sleep fucked last night...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
