You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
