Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
