it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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