so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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