so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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