birth control should be required to get into college
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
