I'm so fucking centered right now
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize