Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
