does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
