All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
