Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
