life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
