We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
