sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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