i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
