I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
