I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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