I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
