I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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