Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
