In the future we'll all be gay
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
