His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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