You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
