I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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