note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
