maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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