Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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