Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize