you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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