Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
