John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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