Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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