The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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