It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
MIDGETS
????
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
