its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
