I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
