I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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