Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Fuck appropriateness.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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