I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
