I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
