i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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