i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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