apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
