Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
