At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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