sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
