I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
