Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
