Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
