More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
