i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize