i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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